A Token of Appreciation
For people who knew me from college days onwards, it might be a surprise to learn that I used to be in drawing classes. Or that I draw at all.
I used to draw all the time. Prescribed a sketchbook so I wouldn't disturb other kids whenever I finished in-class assignments early. Took it as one of my extracurriculars... Went home with textbooks full of doodles to the margins, driving my mom crazy, because some of the textbooks were actually school properties, and she had to replace them.
I drew with abandon. Never very good at mixing colors and all that, inking was my bane of existence, but I was decent at copying shapes and drawing freehand. I was belligerent even when I reached an impasse, when I got an art teacher so strict in third grade he would just strike an entire page so black when I made mistakes... I saw white pages raining down the ceiling when he threw my sketchbook up for some bad lines in a class on vanishing points and it struck the fan. I kept at it in middle school, when I met friends who just seemed to have limber hands, who produced perfectly lively curves, who could make things look actually nice. I did 120pg comic in a month for a Physics assignment, an endeavor that almost cost me my wrist.
I went to high school, discovered that I did well in coding and writing and other things I previously dabbled in but had no good outlet to channel through, met some more people who were very good at drawing, and I drew less and less.
I got into college and, while I made sure to bring all my art supplies, I just stopped. I joined Genshiken, which is best described as a geeky art club, and stuck with the geeky part more than the art club part. People were making good stuff. My drawing was ok enough for a primary school student but at this point it was just not up to snuff. I fully transitioned into writing and coding and took up project management roles...
Well, I still scribble things from time to time, and I doodled some stuff for a couple people every so often... And since I did GUI and animation I would sketch interfaces and make storyboards. So they're drawing-adjacent technically but only if you count anything involving putting ink on paper "drawing".
Honestly, I envy people who draw. A lot. In that stage of my life I was still very preoccupied with the notion of getting good, so this bugged me so much. And this was a completely unfair assessment, because I was flighty and I rarely practiced. Other people did art study and they improved. I witnessed many such cases, from barely able to keep a straight line in year 1 to making competent arts when we were in our final years.
But instead I chose to just stop.
There were many points in the intervening years where I flirted with the idea of drawing again. I never got far, and the art supplies laid dormant in the drawer, probably not going to see light again.
Well.
I got into magic and for anyone who'd played EDH/Commander, the notion of making your custom tokens is probably not very exotic. In my community of makers just about everyone make alters or customs, or commissioned one another to make one. I collected arts from my friends, but also harbored a secret yearning to have some of my own. Not digital custom cards but something I paint onto the cards, like those cool alters I saw.
Another half a decade passed.
I have learnt to be less competitive and to see hobbies as something you can just enjoy, regardless of your aptitude or skill level. I have gone back to many things I used to like, but not drawing.
Until one day, I was extremely stressed, practically ran out of home, and found myself in the mall hugging a small mountain of cheap store brand art supplies from a home improvement store. Not a fancy art supplies store. A home improvement store. Everything from half a dozen acrylic markers, a dozen knockoff poscas to two dozens knockoff copics, to a grand total of... $15.
They are so laughably cheap that I actually don't mind "wasting" them to make stupid things. Unlike many cheap stuff, they are actually functional. I was expecting a dead stick or two in every set. Or three. The pigments are surprisingly vivid. I have fun using them. The marker tips fray easily, the cap designs actually damage the tips, some of the pigments are denser than the others... But I don't care. Working with physical media feels good. I've always preferred taking notes longhand.
I've been making random tokens as I go about learning the colors and the quirks. It would be a while until I have the courage to apply these onto real cards. Some colors can be layered. Some not. Some dries quicker, some just can't dry cleanly... And if you think this story will end with a whiz kid making great stuff after more than a decade out of practice... I'm sorry to inform you that my drawing is still just as bad.
Only this time I don't mind.