Tipsy-Turvy
Great weekend, good food, absolutely slammed.
I wish I could press pause in life, breathe a bit, because suddenly it's Monday again.
I've been doing patterns and that does take away the stress out of making a full painting. Some days I just want to slap glitter paint all over a page and that's it. Start a doodle. Stop. Continue some more. Vent the anger. I'm afraid of a lot of thing. Fear manifests into anxiety. Anxiety manifests into anger. The heat burns and spread.
I interpret innocuous messages offensively. I majorly explode over nonsense, and too taken to back down. Bristly, combative. While some of the statements I reacted to were poorly worded, they did not warrant such intense replies. I should get away from messaging services while everything and anything will kindle wrath for no real reason.
They catch fire, and now I'm burning. The bridges fray, I know I shouldn't try them. In a couple hours, when the red recedes, I would sit in the glowing ember wondering what's gotten into me, a ruin of collapsing mental faculty and desire to make them right.
Somehow.
The air is stifling.
I'm hoping my self-defense mechanism would stop blaring sirens 24/7 once I've got matters sorted one by one. It's weird to comment on your own self like this perhaps, but alas.
I've been trying to tote watercolor palettes around in my recent trips, but in the end, I really couldn't summon the energy to use them. They're compact, they have limited colors, they're pleasant to use at home, but when I'm on the road with other people I just keep going back to ink-filled brushpens. The brushpens do lend my sketchbook a certain cohesiveness, even if not in the style I imagined. What can I say? If it works, it works? I still manage to capture things in the trips, so. Yeah.
There's nothing forcing me to use watercolor for urban sketching. I simply like the look and wish I could emulate them.
After half a year, I'm at the end of my croquis book. It's been half a year since I did the 16 skies series! I intend to do it again next year. Lately the sky has been a real downer. It's overcast in such a way that saps out all the joy when you look at it. Or maybe I'm just projecting too hard.
Craving sweet things like no tomorrow, and I'm not usually big on sweet stuff. Roller coaster's the name of the game.