Unremarkably Remarkable
Although I stayed close to my former college and even visited it from time to time for certain events, I haven't been there in weekday noon for a long time. Student events are usually held in weekends and despite my WfH status, I still work 9-5. A colleague asked for my help regarding graduate school documents, and I found myself in the middle of a bustling world once more.
The first thing I noticed was how awfully young everyone seemed to be. Most college students are legally adults, but I couldn't help to think they all looked so...naive? Fresh? Were we this innocent? I got my answer a couple metres in. It was the uni entrance exam day. I was eyeing flocks of high schoolers.
Ah.
Nothing could compare to the sight, sound, and smell of the afternoon crowd. Three students tried to sneak in when the lecturer was already starting. Things never change. My memories came alive, threatening to send me into an endless spiral of flashbacks with every footstep I took. It was a strange sensation. Unfathomable sadness, a deep fondness, but also a very real fear.
Overheard someone venting to her friends about the unfairness of the problem set given as a midterm exam. I chuckled. I knew this jungle.
I went to the admin office and a woman called me, asking for directions to a site I later learned would be used for the next day's exam. Tailing behind her, bored as teenagers wont to do, was her son. I ended up guiding them as we were heading to the same general direction, though I was not able to readily answer her questions regarding facilities such as the restrooms and the prayer area. She seemed determined to make sure her son would be able to use his allotted time to the fullest.
"I haven't been here since eight years ago, the layout has changed a lot."
The lady mumbled something I didn't catch, because it dawned on me midway that it has been eight years.
The tears, the agonies, I have lived eight years since, I survived, I was there to walk through the halls as an intact person.
And all that by living one day every day.
I have built myself a pretty nice life too, if I may say so myself.
It's not perfect, but what is?
Some days I want to book the earliest flight out of town and be someone else.
Some days I wonder when things would end, when I could have peace.
Some days I feel so glad I'm still alive, despite everything.
When I left the lady and her son, I prayed that everyone who had their wish gathered in this place would eventually find their own happiness, that their college days would be full of lifelong friends and lasting impressions, even if the road ahead might be hard and the future cloudy for the moment.
I just have to live some more, one ordinary day to the next. Eventually, my sorrows of today would be part of something else tomorrow.